Being a Dad…the best role I've ever had.

Posts tagged ‘fatherhood’

Watching him become an adult

DSC_5358June.  The start of the summer season, vacations starting up, school ending and graduations.  Among the events that have taken place, for me, in June…my oldest son graduating from high school and turning 18.

I thought the graduation was going to be tough for me. I was very proud of him.  Watching him walk across the stage, getting his diploma and remembering a time when we sure if it would ever happen.  When he was a child, Chase had an immune system deficiency and took several meds and received monthly, then weekly infusions. We never knew what the long term effects of the medication he took and the blood infusions he received would do. There was even concern on how it would all affect his cognitive ability.  Well, I am happy to report that it all kept him alive as well as not doing anything to hamper is learning and mental growth.

He has turned out to be a fine young man.

Fine young man. 

Wow.

It seems to me that just a few short years ago he was five and just starting school. But, I woke up one day and he’s 15 and in high school.  How in hell did that happen?

Now, he’s 18.  Out of school, driving and has a job.  Soon, he’ll have two jobs as he will be a ‘scare actor’  at a local theme park for the Halloween season.  My otherwise quiet son will be scaring the pants off of grown people and kids alike.

He’s good at it too as we saw him in action last season.

Over the years, I’ve watched him develop and grow. Often, telling him he needed to stop that nonsense and be my little boy forever.  Of course, that didn’t happen.  Well, the stop growing part, anyway. 

I think back at his many goals…like being tall enough to reach the light switch on his own.  Being able to read just enough so he could play Rollercoaster Tycoon while daddy was at work (I used to put him on my knee and play the game with him. We built many, many amusement parks together.) Getting tall enough to ride the Tomb Raider.  Being able to ride to ride the Volcano. Wishing he was in high school. Wishing he was out of school, etc.

And watching the awe and amazement coming from him when he discovered something new as well as having those goals met.  Watching his excitement when he was able to reach the light switch, play the games, ride the rollercoasters and tomb raider.  The pride, walking across the stage, in getting his diploma.  Even today, he still gets excited. Not as much, perhaps, as he used to, but he does. (Seeing the joy on his face when we went back to Disney World was just as cool as it was the first time, some 12 years ago.)

Time doesn’t stop and Chase will, eventually, move on and, hopefully, find out how awesome it is to be Dad. And, it has been awesome. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And, I get to do it again.

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Being Dad

xander_spock_paintingI have been a father for fifteen years now.  I have two sons and one stepson.  They are 15, 5, and six weeks. Yep, six weeks. At the young age of 47, I have started over this whole Dad thing.

I still remember when my late wife informed me that she was pregnant. I was still mostly asleep.

“Honey, I’m pregnant.”

“Honey!”

“That’s nice dear!”

“Did you hear me? I’m pregnant!”

That was nearly sixteen years ago. Last summer, my wife says “Honey, I’m pregnant! I’m not crazy!”

My reaction, this time, was a bit more lively. Tears ensued and, well, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.  Just like that moment, sixteen years ago when it finally struck me that I was going to be a Dad.

Until I met and married my first wife, being a father was the last thing on my mind. I was a horny geek. I only cared about geek stuff and sex.  Funny thing, once the sex entered the picture, I didn’t even care about the geek stuff.

I was a late bloomer when it came to dating.  Awkward and inexperienced. I had no idea as to what to do or how to act.  Again, being a father was something I had not given a second thought. I was a typical guy, I suppose. Dating and all that comes with it was fun and exhausting. I had a couple of ‘long’ relationships, even thought one was going to be ‘it’. It wasn’t, but that is OK.  It would not be long before I found ‘it’. She was cute, funny and someone I took to right away.

And, once I realized that this cute, funny woman was someone I wanted to settle down with, then I began to think. Maybe this family thing was something I wanted. Yeah, maybe so. We talked about it, a lot. We decided we wanted to be in our own house before raising a child. Almost six years went by…

Fast forward to 1997 when my first son was born.

Suddenly, I had this wonderful little person to help care for.  It was rough at times, for Chase was colicky and, once we got that under control, he started getting sick. A lot. As time went on, we found out that he had an autoimmune problem. He could not produce enough white blood cells to fight off anything. As he got older, it got worse and we ended up having to give him infusions once a month. It worked, and his immune system got much better.

Today, he still gets sick, but not as often and not as long as he used to.

In 2010, Chase’s mother passed away. She died from pneumonia, but had been sick for quite some time.  It was quite a shock to both of us, but Chase was my bedrock and we got through it.

Through Facebook, a relationship with someone blossomed and, last year, I married her.  She is a beautiful, vibrant and all around awesome lady. And, best of all, she puts up with me.

Preston, my wife’s son from a previous marriage, is a smart and full of energy five year old.  Like Chase, Preston is a scary smart kid.  Preston needs little in the way of instruction when it comes to electronic devices. He can grasp certain ideas (but, like any child, there are some that go over his head, like listening to parents) and has an excellent grasp of the English language.  He is lucky in that he has not one, not two but three parents who care deeply for him and spend the time with him.

Xander, our six week old, is just so damned sweet. So sweet, you just want to eat him up, figuratively, of course.  I cannot wait to experience the firsts again, to watch him figure out what those things are that he keeps flailing. To watch him experience solid foods. Take him to his first movie. Watch him walk.  Watch him develop. And, I cannot wait to ride his first rollercoaster.  I got to do that with Chase and Preston. It was very special. I still remember riding one, for the first time, with my Dad. It was the Scooby Doo at Kings Dominion near Richmond.  I remember the Jet Star at the State Fair.  I don’t know why, but the rollercoaster experience seems very special to me and I cannot wait to do so with Xander.

Being a Dad has its downs as well. Having to correct them is never fun. Especially when you know they are fully capable but were just careless. Teaching them that there will be consequences in life for ones actions is, perhaps, the most difficult part of parenting.

Perhaps being able to tell when they need guidance and help is also a difficult aspect.  I know I’ve had issues with it. Both our five and fifteen year old have needed certain help and I was slow to recognize that. But, we have gotten over that. At least, I hope we have. As with anything in life, one never can be certain but you hope you do the best for them.

I hope my sons know I am there for them. It may not always seem like it, but I am. Just as my wonderful wife is, so am I. 

Trying to maintain a balance with the kids, my wife and my own needs is very tricky. Sometimes I am selfish, I know.  I try my best not to be, but I know I don’t always succeed. My bride sometimes lets me know, but, for the most part, she puts up with me and does not complain. She is awesome.

With all it entails, I cherish the role of Dad. I would not trade it for anything in the world.

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